Hogwarts: THE MUSICAL!
by Riana Bay
Summary: Its an epidemic! Its sweeping the school! It's... Hogwarts: THE MUSICAL!
1. en epidemic is discovered,

**A/N: WELCOME TO HOGWARTS: THE MUSICAL! Well, this should be interesting, eh? Let's see where the cast of Hogwarts: THE MUSICAL! ends up when they're forced to sing what they're thinking! The epidemic has caught twice at the school, once in Harry's time, and once during the Marauder era. This heart-felt musical bounces between both eras, while developing heart-wrenching stories that are brought about by the forced telling of emotion. **

**Disclaimer: Everything Hogwarts belongs to JK Rowling. "I Will Always Love You" is from Whitney Houston, I have absolutely no idea who sang doowadiddy, or how to spell it for that matter, but I strongly hope that they don't sue me. Also, I believe "I can do anything" belongs to Annie Oakley, whom I also hope doesn't sue me. (Psst, Annie, if it helps, I was you for Halloween in fourth grade. Please don't sue me..)**

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It started just like any boring old day at Hogwarts. Harry woke up, got dressed, pulled on his robes, and went to breakfast. He sat at his usual spot, between Ron and Hermione, who were, as usual, arguing. He ate his usual breakfast in a very usual fashion. All in all, nothing was unusual. That is, until Ginny came over.

"Morning," she said tiredly. "Pass me the toast?" Then, she suddenly looked up at Harry, her eyes wide, and she began to sing.

"_I__ hope life treats you kind  
And I hope you have all you dreamed off  
And I wish to you joy and happiness  
But above all this I wish to you love. _

_And I will always love you  
I,will always love you  
You, my darling you, you_:"

Ginny froze, horrified. She blinked twice at Harry, who was staring at her like she had two heads, and then turned and ran away.

"Er.." Ron said. "She hasn't done anything like that since she went through that Celestina Warbeck obsession."

"Yeah," Harry said. "She was.. She was.." he froze and stared at his friends, and then he too started to sing. "There she was, just a-walkin down the street singin doowadiddy diddydum diddydoo!" He too look startled at his sudden outburst.

"Oh.. Oh no," Hermione said, giggling. "Not the musical hex!"

"The what?" Harry asked, looking extremely angry.

"The musical hex is probably the most feared hex known to Hogwarts students." Hermione said in that annoyingly superior voice. "It forces a student to sing. They sing a song that is related directly to what they're thinking at the moment. And the worst part is, it's contagious. If somebody around you is singing.. Chances are, you'll be doing it soon too." Suddenly Hermione hiccoughed and gave the boys a haughty look as she too began to sing:

"_I can do anything you can do better, I can do anything better than you._" She then covered her mouth in a horrified way, and cried out "Oh! You know that's not that I was thinking.. Well, I guess I was thinking how annoying it is to always have to explain everything to the two of you. But, Oh, It came out wrong."

"So," Ron said, scratching his head. "You sing something that's, er, related to what you're thinking?"

Hermione nodded.

"Oh, Um, I have to go!" Ron gathered up his books in a hurry and hurried out of the Great Hall.

"I wonder what he was thinking," Harry snickered. Then he got serious. "Hermione, has this ever happened at Hogwarts before?"

She nodded solemnly. "Once before," she said, looking down.


	2. but its not the first time it's discover...

**DISCLAIMERS: Let Me Go Lyrics courtesy of Three Doors Down, Hopelessly Devoted lyrics courtesy of Olivia Newton John and Grease, Born To Be Wild lyrics courtesy of The Cult.**

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Lily Evans danced up the wide hallway of her school. She didn't know where she was going, or why she was dancing. Actually, she had lost all control whatsoever. To her horror, she danced right up to the prank-pulling group known as the Marauders and pointed a finger at James Potter, singing:

"_You love me but you don't know who I am  
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
And you love me but you don't know who I am  
So let me go, let me go__."  
_

Lily gasped in horror and threw a hand over her mouth. The Marauders minus James were laughing like mad. Suddenly, James burst into song too:

"_Guess mine is not the first heart broken, my eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know, there's just no gettin' over you . Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else for me to do I'm hopelessly devoted to you. But now, there's nowhere to hide, since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head, hopelessly devoted to you Hopelessly devoted to you, hopelessly devoted to you_"

Remus was the only one able to speak. "It seems that a hex has been placed on Hogwarts. The Musical hex has been used only once, years ago. Apparently.. Well, apparently, it's like some kind of airborne virus. Somebody catches it and has to pass it on."

Sirius, who had been standing next to James, suddenly went wide-eyed and began to sing too.

"_Get your motor running  
Head out on the highway  
Looking for adventure  
And whatever comes our way.._"

He tossed his hair back and loudly sang the last part:

"_BORN TO BE WIIIILD!"_

Remus laughed. "Yes, this is going to be an interesting week," he said cheerfully.


	3. for it's hit the Order too!

"And, with that, I hereby start this meeting of the Order of the Phoenix," Dumbledore whispered. He was in a small room under Hogwarts with several other members.

"Right," Snape said snootily. "As I have completed my mission, I believe I should be able to skip this meeting and go to bed."

"Oh, shut up," said a young Cornelius Fudge, pre-ministry days.

"Cornelius, please," Dumbledore said with a significant look. "Anyway, as I was saying earlier, our spies have found enough info on this new Dark Lord for us to be reassured; We can win this."

Suddenly, the old headmaster blinked, grinned, and began a complicated step dance, while singing:

"_Bad news comes don't you worry even when it lands  
Good news will work its way to all them plans  
We both got fired on the exactly the same day  
Well we'll float on good news is on the way _

_And we'll all float on ok" -_ He gave an animated kick kick step move.  
_"And we'll all float on ok  
And we'll all float on ok" -_He blew a saucy kiss to Professor McGonagal.  
_"And we'll all float on alright  
Already we'll all float on  
Now don't worry we'll all float on  
Alright already we'll all float on  
Alright don't worry we'll all float on"_

He flung his beard over his shoulder and opened his arms wide while singing as loudly as the author's Italian grandmother-

"_EVEN IF THINGS GET HEAVY, WE'LL ALL FLOAT ON! _Yeah! Ahem, meeting dismissed. Teachers, please stay."

Snape and McGonagal, looking at him like he was a madman, timidly approached their starry-eyed Headmaster.

"Severus, when you were at that Dark Arts seminar, I believe you accidently picked up a bug."

Snape lazily raised his eyebrows. "A bug, sir?"

"The Musical Hex. It's kind of like the flu, but with a lot more glitter and glamour." Dumbledore looked actually excited. "We just have to wait it out, but if I'm not mistaken, everybody in the castle will catch it eventually. The good news is, once you've had it, you won't catch it again."

McGonagal's nostrils were so big, a blast-ended skrewt could have been shoved up there comfortably.

"Albus, surely you don't mean.. Everyone?"

"Yep, Minnie, I'm afraid I do."

"If we're to wait it out, what are we supposed to do? We can't have students bursting into song during class!"

Dumbledore grinned wickedly. "Anybody up for Karaoke night?"

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**Disclaimer: "Float On" belongs to Modest Mouse.**

**Just a short chapter, kind of goofy... more to come realllllly soon.**

**-Ria**


	4. What will happen next

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were all waiting patiently for their Potions lesson to begin. It was the first time ever that Professor Snape was late, and they couldn't wait to give him a smug grin.

Suddenly, the door flew open and he flounced in, as haughty as usual.

"Professor," simpered Draco Malfoy. "Is everything ok? You're twenty minutes late."

"Of course Draco," Snape said in his usual drawl. "I was just taking care of something."

"Like what?" Harry asked before he could stop himself.

Snape glared at him for a second before making a horrified face and beginning to sing:

"_There's a man who lives a life of danger  
To everyone he meets, he stays a stranger  
With every move he makes  
Another chance he takes  
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow_

Secret agent man, secret agent man  
They've given you a number  
And taken away your name".

The class stared at him for a moment as a ringing silence filled the dungeon.

Snape frowned. "Class dismissed," he said, turning and exiting the room.

Ron grinned at Harry. "Wish every Potions lesson went like that!"

"Oh Ron, no you don't, you'd fail your O.W.L.S," Hermione said with a scowl.

Harry stood up. "C'mon," he said, going into the hall. They could hear hundreds of students singing, all different tunes, all blushing furiously. They passed Parvati Patil singing to Dean about how she had boots made for walking, and Lavender was belting out a long ballad about being misunderstood.

Chaos was reining the halls. And the students could not have asked for a better distraction.

Indeed, during charms, Professor Flitwick burst into song:

"_Yes, I'm grounded  
Got my wings clipped  
I'm surrounded (by)  
All this pavementGuess I'll circle  
While I'm waiting  
For my fears to dry_

Someday I'll fly  
Someday I'll soar  
Someday I'll be something much more  
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Why is it not the time?  
What is there more to learn?  
I've shed this skin that I've been chipping at  
And I've never quite returned."

That class was also dismissed early. No matter where anybody turned that day, people were singing. Ron was still dashing away when someone would start singing as to not catch the bug. Harry, on the other hand, decided to write to Remus Lupin and see if he knew anything about the first time the hex had hit."

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**DISCLAIMERS: The original performers of Secret Agent Man are The Ventures, Bigger than my Body is by John Mayer.**

**A/N: These are very short, I know, but this story is pet. I write in it when inspiration strikes, and when I feel like playing. Unfortunately, I'm not sure if this story will be up much longer, because I've heard we're not allowed to have song lyrics in our stories anymore. I'm not sure, but I'm posting it anyway. If it gets deleted, I'll post it somewhere else. Anyway, enjoy. If this doesn't get deleted, I have big plans for this story.**


	5. may shock you all

The day before the full moon the marauders laid out lazily by the lake. It was hot out, and Remus was feeling terrible.

"Are you hungry, mate?" asked Sirius, who believed that any problem could be solved by food.

"No," Remus answered, staring up at the clouds.

"Tired?" asked James, who believed that any problem could be solved by sleep.

"No. I just start to feel like this before the full moon."

"Oh, I know!" Peter, who clearly had not been listening, squeaked. "You're hungry!"

James threw a rock at him, but Remus stood up.

"Yes, I am."

The marauders just stared at him, and he started to dance and sing.

"In touch with the ground  
I'm on the hunt i'm after you  
Smell like i sound, i'm lost in a crowd  
And i'm hungry like the wolf  
Straddle the line, in discord and rhyme  
I'm on the hunt i'm after you  
Mouth is alive with juices like wine  
And i'm hungry like the wolf

Stalked in the forest, too close to hide  
I'll be upon you by the moonlight side  
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do  
High blood drumming ony our skin it's so tight  
You feel my heart, i'm just a moment behind  
Do-do do do, do do do, do do do, do do do, do do."

The marauders stared at him for a bit. By now, they were quite used to people bursting into song, and they went about their business as if nothing had happened.

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Far away, however, a Death Eater meeting was being held. "How to Become a Death Eater in 8 easy steps" read a sign on the door.

"Are you ready?" Voldemort asked, standing before his followers.

Snape was in the crowd, acting as spy for Dumbledore, getting the names of the new Death Eaters. He must have been carrying the hex still, because suddenly Voldemort lifted his robes and began to dance while singing:

"how to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment  
how to defer to men in solvable predicaments  
how to control someone to be a carbon copy of you  
how to have that not work and have them run away from you

how to keep people at arms length and never get to close  
how to mistrust the ones who supposedly love the most  
how to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone  
how to feel worthless so fast you're helping

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps  
In the course of a lifetime, I never forgot  
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps  
I'll show you how leaderships were taught by the best."

Bellatrix Lestrange then stood and went to stand next to him, also dancing.

"how to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist  
how to play all highest when you're really a hypocrite  
how to hate god when you're a player and a spiritualist  
how to sabotage when you're in tough seas

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps  
In the course of a lifetime, I never forgot  
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps  
I'll show you how leaderships were taught by the best." She sat back down, looking horrified.

Voldemort began to sing again, obviously confused.

"I've been doing research for years  
I've been practicing my ass off  
I've been waiting my whole life for this moment, I swear to you  
Culminating just to be this well versed leader before you

I'll teach you all this in 8 easy steps  
In the course of a lifetime, I never forgot  
I'll show you how to in 8 easy steps  
I'll show you how leaderships were taught by the best."

"Er," he said when he had regained use of his legs. "Right, meeting dismissed."

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Another short one. I basically update whenever an idea comes to me. Oh, I have fun. Haha. Anyway, **

"**Hungry Like the Wolf" is property of Duran Duran, and "8 Easy Steps" belongs to Alanis Morissette. **

**Somebody mentioned in their review that if a songfic is started before they made the 'no lyrics' rule, than you can continue it. Does anybody know? I hope this doesn't get deleted. If it does, I had fun, and thank you to my reviewers, I hope you liked it.**

**Love, **

**Ria**


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